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Archive for October, 2010


What is a hippie?

When I think of hippies I think of dirty people sitting around in their patchoulie encrusted mini vans strumming listlessly on their dime store guitars trying to convince themselves they sound just like Jimmy. I also see them sitting on the corner of Haight and Ashbury without any shoes waiting for the free store to open so they can get some flip flops and a tie dye. I can almost understand the appeal of the lifestyle until I realize that I appreciate sacrifice and responsibility. The only thing a hippie has ever had to sacrifice are a few puffs off the joint he found in the grass behind the port-o-potty. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate creativity. I enjoy making art and music. I find comfort in the time that I can focus the old frontal cortex on something deeply enriching and rewarding, but I also know that there are very few fortunes made in the art world while the artist is still alive. When the little hippies were doing their thing at the end of Viet Nam, they probably felt justified. It is always more fun to make love instead of war, unless it’s a really great war. The unfortunate thing about hippies is that they never got the word that the party ended and it was time to go home. They just decided to stay and crash on the couch of society waiting for the free store to open back up. Sorry to tell you this little Mr. Hippie. The free store is closed and now it is time for you to cut your hair, shave your scraggly beard and at the very least put on your cleanest tee-shirt and find yourself a job. If there are other hippies who are looking for jobs in this tough economy, don’t dispair. There are manual labor jobs available and they pay a lot more money than you are used to earning. You are used to filthy squalor (don’t be offended, I saw the Woodstock movie. You were having a great time in the mud with your LSD and your STDs). I’m sorry Mr. Hippie. There are no handouts. Your president (I use that term loosely) lied to you. You actually owe him money now, and he does not forget.

I understand you might be afraid of the reality staring you in your face. If I spent the last 20 years of my life hiding in the basement of SR-71 with my bogus prescription for Purple Kush for back pain, I would be scared to. Just take your first step away from the bong. Take a walk outside. Smell the fresh air, and put one foot in front of the other. You will soon find yourself walking away from the old life and towards a new one; a life with promise and security. You can become a productive member of society and pay taxes ( Take a deep breath. This is why we’re here) and start a family. If it is any consolation the joy of raising children with a good set of morals and values is a very rewarding process and all the love you see in their eyes every day is worth all of the sacrifices you have to make. You will also find that once you start giving of yourself to others, the more you want to give.

The inverse of this situation is that you do nothing, stay lazy and eventually get removed from this earth like the dregs of a bad batch being scraped away from the lining of the bong by a dry crusty pipe cleaner. Either way, we win.

Thanks for stopping by.

Take a bath.